TO BE filed, OR NOT TO BE filed....

A great mystery to me that I'm fear will never be solved in my lifetime is the existence of the "To Be Filed" file.  Who thought of such a file to begin with?  Does this file contain some secret I have yet to uncover that involes time being frozen?  If I'm not mistaken it takes the exact same amount of time to place something in the "To Be Filed" file as it does to place it in the file where is actually belongs.  I have yet to understand the feel of great accomplishment that coincides with having every piece of work waiting to be filed simply placed in the "To Be Filed file.  I suppose having your desk free of stacks of paper is a nice feeling, as they say "Out of sight, out of mind".  However, if you open your drawer and see that one file that is 4 inches thick, (although it's neatly labeled with one of those wonderful inventions I call sticky labels that says "To Be Filed"), well.....I hate to break it to you, but yeah, you still have work to do.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results

Everyday I come to work I am amazed.  That sounds like it would be a glorious gift right?  To have a day so filled with wonderment and excitement that it literally just flies by? I wish!  I suppose some days can be glorious and I am able to walk out amazed in a positive way.  Usually this means I'm amazed at the fact that the entire day went by and no one cried or screamed at each other.  These are the days I cherish.  They usually happen because everyone clears out and heads into the field early.  I find the less time sales people are in the office at the same time, the less chance there is for screaming, crying, bickering, gossiping, etc, etc.  The other amazing days unfortunately seem to run together in my head a bit.  It's hard to distinguish one from the other when it's generally the exact same thing happening everyday only involving different people.  You would think we all would learn from either our own mistakes, or from watching other people make them.  Yet somehow, whether due to their amazingly short attention spans or increased level of self absorption this is not the case for most sales people.  Everyday I watch the same "issue" take place and the end result is always the same yet people are flabbergasted by the outcome.  They are genuinely shocked and outraged that such a travesty has occurred.  They have NEVER heard of anything like this every happening to anyone ever before, especially themselves.  I was actually thinking of starting a tally sheet for how many times I have heard the phrase "I've never heard of this before!", but I don't think I have enough post its....

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

I've been told I'm just as dysfunctional as sales people, but in a way that is more accepted by society.  I put my pen back in the same place whenever I'm not using it.  My tape dispenser and stapler have to be lined up exactly on either side of my computer monitor.  I can only use black plastic hangers in my closet at home and all of my shirts are hung according to sleeve length, then by color.  I have to press the lock button on my car at least three times before I believe it is actually locked.  I have to physically touch the lock on my front door before going to bed, even I can visibly see the lock is already in the horizontal locked position.  I don't have an "In Box" on my desk at work because I cannot handle a pile up on unfinished paperwork.  I have to wash every dish or utensil in my sink after dinner before I can relax for the evening.  I can't start a sudoku puzzle unless I can finish it in the same sitting.  I set my alarm clock and flip it on and off at least twice before I believe it is actually set. 

Sadly, these are just a few of my idiosyncrasies.  I often wonder how I make it thru each day without lashing out irrationally on someone for something as simple as leaving their dirty coffee mug in the sink.  It takes a whole 45 seconds to wash a coffee mug, yet most in my office are far to busy to do anything but place the mug in the sink.  In all honesty for some sad and disturbing reason I generally don't mind "cleaning up" after 20 sales people on a daily basis.  If I'm the one to wash or put things away that are left out I feel more at ease because I know everything is back in it's appropriate resting place.  I guess having that small amount of satisfaction can really make a huge difference in ones' day.  In my perfect world everyone would have the same idiosyncrasies as me and actually care that there are mugs in the sink or that their chair wasn't properly pushed in when they aren't sitting it but, I work with sales people so I have learned to let go of that dream.  Lesson learned, no matter where you work it is no doubt you will have some level of clashing personalities.  It's how you learn to deal with them that determines your level of sanity each day. 

It's Five O'Clock Somewhere

Why is it the last hour of everyday feels the longest?  Why is it when you call a meeting, a third of the office is late to arrive but if you try and send them home early, they sit at their desk and pretend to be busy?  Why is it if you send an email in all caps that says "DO NOT PRINT", everyone automatically prints 5 copies?  Why is it if you put a sign in red letters that says "Insert Paper Face Down", everyone asks "Which way does the paper go?"  Why is it if you put a sign on the vending machine that says "Bill changer out of order" everyone attempts to insert a bill then comes to tell me it's not working?  Why is it when someone jams the copy machine, they sneak away then act apalled that someone would leave such a disaster?  Why is it when you label the only box on your desk "Outgoing Mail" everyone still asks where to put something they want to mail out?  Why is it when you respond to a question with "Give me a few minutes", they will sit and stare at you until those minutes have passed?  Why is it people think they will get a different answer by asking the same question just in a different way? 

TGIF

And so it begins....

I'm not exactly sure why I'm venturing into the world of blogging, aside from being given this fabulous idea from a fellow patient in this nuthouse we call work, I also felt it would be a much needed break for myself on occasion from doing actual work.  In reality, I will most likely end up using it to "pretend" I am hard at work on yet another very important "time sensitive" project.  Just kidding.....or am I? 

I have to admit, I have never even read a blog before, so I am not really sure how these are suppose to unfold.  In these technologically advanced days, it seems as if everyone is posting something, about any and everything on some social network.  Whether or not it is actually of interest to others is neither here nor there, but as the saying goes, If you can't beat'em, join'em!  And, if you have ever had the "luxury" of working in a sales office or around sales people you would know first hand it can be one of the most interestingly comical and most dysfunctional places on earth, and therefore highly entertaining.

At this point, I am barely 3 hours into the day and so far nothing too exciting.  The majority of our Sales Force have been able to drag themselves in for one last day of this week, perhaps because it is payday and some still haven't grasped the concept of direct deposit, or at the very least to show their shinning faces to keep the "up aboves" happy.  To be almost halfway thru the day and still not have anyone who has cried or screamed at each other gives me hope this may turn out to be a halfway decent day.  Knock on wood.  The only dilemma at this juncture appears to be the usual email confusion.  Not a day can go by without at least one glorious email that is sent to 5 or more people where they all try to be the quickest with what they believe to be the most highly intellectual response.  Note to self, speed does not equal accuracy.  If only we could all take those 5 extra seconds to finish reading the entire email we could all be saved from the 42 additional questions and responses now generated.  But whatever would we do with an extra 2 hours of time each day? 

Well, I suppose I shall sign off for today to keep it short and sweet for the time being and attempt to go out on a good note.  I have to say, starting this blog may actually help me look forward to some more highly entertaining office antics so I have something interesting to write about.  I think ultimately putting it all into words will be the most challenging part of this adventure, waiting for more office drama unfold, well that's the easy part.