A critic is a man who knows the way but can’t drive the car

Why do certain people feel the need to announce to me that there is one fax cover sheet left in the box when I can clearly see that for myself?   Why do certain people point out that there is a package next to my desk when I'm the only one here who would have signed for it upon delivery?  Why do certain people point out there is a spill on the counter to me instead of wiping it up for themself?  Why do certain people just stand and stare instead of offering some form of assistance when an entire coffee pot explodes all over the entire breakroom and the front of my pants?  Why do certain people ask me a mail related question everytime they put something in the outgoing mail box as if to make sure I acknowledge it and will in fact mail it out for them?  Why do certain people automatically think someone stole their laptop power cord because they can't find it?   Why do certain people think sitting in the office on their computer all day makes them appear to be hard at work? 

It is often easier to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission.

It's been a while since I"ve blogged, but don't worry, it's not for lack of material.  Rather it's been more like lack of uninterrupted time, and increased attention of what is on my computer screen by others.  Quite a few things have changed within the office since my last post.  It's been interesting watching what a vast difference that a very small amount of people can make in an office dynamic.  I wouldn't necessarily say it's less dramatic in here, I would just say it's spread a bit more evenly throughout instead of concentrated on a few select individuals.  Eliminating 2 focal points in the daily war on sales has helped others look elsewhere for things to be disgruntled about.  For instance, questioning for the 8th time this week a selling program that hasn't changed in months has been a good start. I think it is safe to say we could have the same meeting topic for 5 months and people would still ask new questions.  Not because they don't understand, but because they are hoping the answer may have changed from one week to the next.  This way, their error, whether unintentional or not,  may now actually have become the new procedure.  If this isn't a great selling tactic, I don't know what is.  Hmm, maybe these sales people are smarter than what they appear to be....

Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

Is it wrong that I find it amusing watching sales people get yelled at by their customers?  Is it wrong that I find it even more amusing watching them get into an argument with their own manager?  Is it wrong that even though I have a full supply of folders I only make available to others 3 at a time?  Is it wrong that I can't wait for the office to empty out everyday so I can work in the peace & quiet?  Is it wrong that even though it is not yet noon and I just finished painting my nails, I've already completed more work in these 4 hours than most do all day?   Is it wrong that I sometimes wear my headset and pretend I'm on the phone just to avoid talking to certain people?  Is it wrong that I make half as much as money yet do twice as much work as certain people?   Is it wrong that I have to ask people the same question 3 times before I get an answer?  Is it wrong that sometimes a week consists of nothing more but a countdown to Friday?

The trouble with being punctual is that there is no one there to appreciate it

More often than not I'm jealous of the sales people in my office that are pleasant at least 75% of the time.  I now see this is directly correlated with the fact that they only remember, retain, or accomplish about 25% of their job each day.  Coincidence? I think not.  It shouldn't really be a shock that the less actual work we do each day the happier we are.  It's not that these sales people are only selling 25% of what they should, it's that they only work at about 25%  of their potential. Making a sale is actually only one part of their job description.  Surprisingly, they are also suppose to correctly complete all the associated paperwork and artwork that goes along with each sale, and continue to look for more leads, among other things.  But it is much easier to play dumb, pretend to be busy, flat out disappear, or get their manager to do it for them.  This way, they still have plenty of time left over to get in a round of golf, or hit the big Macy's Holiday Weekend sale in the afternoon.  In the world of sales, freedom can be both a positive and a negative.  Maybe if I start picking and choosing which 25% of my job description I wanted to do each day and pawn the rest of on someone else I too would be in a much better mood everyday.  TGIF.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt

Why do people think if they talk louder others will understand them better?  Why do people think anything good that has happened was their idea?  Why do those same people think anything bad that has happened was someone elses' fault?  Why do people think if they keep hitting the same button on the copier it will do something different?  Why do people think using a marker board to write down the same words they are speaking will make people pay attention to them?  Why do people think they are the exception to any rule they don't like?  Why do people think if you do the exact same thing but give it a new name it has become something different?  Why do people think if they print something they are reading on the computer it will make more sense to them?  Why do people think their way is the best way? 

Live ammunition

Whoever decided that work weeks are 5 days and weekends are only 2 has serious issues. I should have figured out how great the day would be based off the drive in this morning.  Upon arriving to work I considered going to the CHP website to see if there was some new law that was passed over the weekend regarding the left/passing lane that I was not aware of.  I don't believe any car around me knew the purpose of the left hand lane because they all proceeded to drive exactly 65mph, never passing or moving from a lane once down the 32 mile stretch of freeway I drive everyday.  Thank god I am such an awesome singer (in my car) and could keep my self amused instead of coming down with a serious case of road rage.  However, once I arrived at work my day greatly improved.  I only had to make 2 pots of coffee before being able to get myself a mug.  Then the meeting lasted an extra 15 minutes so I was able to both balance my checkbook & answer emails from the weekend.  Big success there.  That then left me plenty of time to witness yet another meltdown/HR issue.  You know it's Monday in a sales office when there is medicine containers with objects other than medicine in them being carried around like it's show & tell and the person carrying it doesn't find it the least bit abnormal.   I think it's safe to say my day has nowhere to go but up right?  Wait, there's still an hour left so I think it's too soon to tell....

When in charge ponder, when in doubt mumble, when in trouble delegate.

You would think something as simple as having a fun office BBQ would be easy to plan right?  Not if it's salespeople attempting to plan it.  For the last 3 days I have heard the phrase "When is the BBQ?" more times than I can count.  Sadly enough, we have yet to find the answer.  Set a date, set a place, set a time. Is it really that complicated?  Apparently so.  No matter who you ask, that person is waiting for someone else to decide.  So then what happens?  Everyone asks me.  As you can obviously tell, I am not in charge of this said BBQ, which is why no one has a clue of what is going on regarding it.  I suppose I could assist and confer with the said party planners, but is slightly more amusing watching everyone run around like chickens with their heads cut off trying to plan the event.  I would however vastly prefer to spend Friday afternoon enjoying some delicious tri-tip rather than working so I suppose I'll put my OK magazine to the side and help out...

People who think they know what they're doing are especially annoying to those of us who do

I don't pretend to know everything, so why does everyone assume I do?  I think what appears to be lack of intelligence for the vast majority of sales people is actually lack of an attention span.  Every Monday we have a meeting and various announcements are made regarding the events for that week.  I make every effort to pay as little attention to these meetings as possible and usually spend them balancing my checkbook or reading my weekly OK magazine.  One glance in my direction during any meeting and you can clearly see I am not paying attention, which in my defense, I'm not required to anyway so why not use this valuable un-interrupted time for my own personal enjoyment?  So why is it that it never fails that I will have at least 3 people come to my desk and ask me a question that was answered by an announcement less than 29 minutes ago?  It used to be they were doing the same thing I was during a meeting, which to me allowed them to ask dumb questions afterwards, but now they have to physically move their chairs forward away from their desks and stare at the person speaking.  So the question of the day is do they seriously not understand and comprehend what is being said or do they really just have the attention span of a gnat?

And the Academy Award for Best Performance goes to......

Wouldn't it be great if people would say "Good Morning" to each other everyday, not just the days the boss is in town?  Wouldn't it be great if people smiled instead of scowled at each other everyday, not just the days the boss is in town?  Wouldn't it be great if people were on time everyday, not just the days the boss is in town?  Wouldn't it be great if people spent their day doing actual work everyday, not just the days the boss is in town?  Wouldn't it be great if people combed their hair everyday, not just the days the boss is in town?  Wouldn't it be great if people were helpful to others everyday, not just the days the boss is in town?  Wouldn't it be great if people paid attention during a meeting everyday, not just the days the boss is in town?

Why do they call it "common sense" when it's so rare?

Once upon a time I loved going on vacation.  Don't get me wrong, vacation time is a glorious gift from above if you are lucky enough to be able to use it when you need it the most.  Unfortunately there is one gigantic downside to any vacation, returning from it.  If you are one of the lucky ones and have an office filled with self motivated intellectual problem solvers, returning from vacation could be a seamless transition.  Or you could be like me and have an office that's more like an emergency room where the motto is treat the symptom, not the source. Copier jammed?  Just unplug it!  Break your hole puncher?  Take someone else's!  Run out of paper in one printer?  Steal it from another!  Could it be that certain people are afraid their attempts to keep things running smoothly will be lacking in comparison to the lucky vacationer?  Or could it be they are just plain clueless?